Grace in the Everyday · Living Faith

The Rotten Fruit of Anxiety

IMG_1066I have a tendency to worry. I obsess over new ideas and future possibilities. I get overwhelmed when I have papers to write. And most recently, I have been anxious to find a new apartment.

Ever since my husband and I made the decision to move out of our current apartment, I have been mildly obsessed with finding a new place. I scoured craigslist and contacted multiple realtors. I went and saw apartments and got excited about each one, wanting to sign my name on the line and get this period of uncertainty over with asap.

Unfortunately, I did just that. We put a down payment on a place after a cursory glance at our finances. But a closer look revealed a dismal picture for this summer. This apartment just wasn’t going to happen, and we lost the down payment.

We found a new place, and it’s going to be wonderful. It’s blissfully inexpensive and surrounded by nature and privacy. We’re so happy and so blessed that we’ve found a place that we can afford in a safe and beautiful neighborhood.

But we still lost the down payment, and (when it comes down to it) it was because of my anxiety. I’m reminded of a quote from a book I read for class recently that more or less said that our actions have real consequences. There are no do-overs. Our choices matter. God has incredible respect for our freedom. We can ask for and receive forgiveness, but there are no do-overs. We found a great new apartment, but my anxiety lost us a whole month’s rent. It is a lesson I hope I won’t quickly forget.

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